im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sober January is a disaster.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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