I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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