yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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