In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
