Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It was confusing and full of hummus
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
