I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
