so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
