That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
