Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
