dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I accidentally burped into my bong.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
