Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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