update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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