her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
