so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
