do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
