You just made me feel so damn special
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
