is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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