It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
