quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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