dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
