you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
