When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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