Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
