Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
