I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
