I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
