I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
