i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
