I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
