Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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