so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
