I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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