i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
