last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
