I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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