I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
