I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I want a musical about memes.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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