so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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