Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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