my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
