I need help removing her.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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