So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
