Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
