the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize