Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
