There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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