After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
