He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
