I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How does one acquire holy water?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
