I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
