Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
