That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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