where am i from again
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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