I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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