I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
